I see it all of the time, whether it’s our friends that have been together for years or a couple we met for the first time. I am totally amazed that couples can live this way. How is it that people can spend their entire life with someone they just merely survive everyday with? As a little girl, I always dreamed of my prince charming. I wanted to be swept off my feet not just once, but everyday of my life. Why shouldn’t it be this way? Why should it end? Why do people feel the need to settle even if they are not in a happy relationship?
You should feel absolutely crazy in love, and excited about your relationship no matter what happens everyday. Rob and I have been asked so many times, what is your secret? do you ever fight? We laugh because it is those very tough times and arguments that we worked through that made us stronger, and more in love today. You can let it kill you or make you stronger. It is a formula that works!! But if it’s not meant to be, then it is not meant to be, and you cannot force it.
Listen, we don’t judge by seeing couples having a bad day, because we understand everyone has bad days and you cannot be happy all of the time, that is unrealistic. When you love someone, truly love someone, they will be the ones you want to spend the happiest moments of your life with and also the ones you want to lean on during the toughest times even if they are the ones you take your frustrations out on at times. But do not confuse this with treating them disrespectfully, putting them down, or mental and physical abuse. These are signs we have experienced over the years with couples we know that gave the signs of just settling or are really truly happy OVER and OVER again!
1. We are hanging out with a couple and not once do they smile with one another, they don’t hang out together once the entire night because one is enthralled with their phone or tv, while the other one is hanging with us, looking more and more depressed the more they drink, throwing daggers at their mate across the room because they are not part of the party. This happening over and over again in a relationship is a clear sign of settling. Your mate should be your bff, the one you are psyched to go out and party with and they should feel the same.
2. Your friends are getting into fights because they are comparing themselves to your great relationship or to other people. This relationship is totally doomed!! You should never compare your other half to anyone. That brings on resentment and obviously tells you that person is not happy with your qualities and wishes you were someone else. This means they want to change you, NO BUENO!! (no good in spanish)
3. When all your friend does is complain or cry about her or his relationship everytime they are with you or maybe has one too many and gets downright emotionally honest about it all. I’m not saying leaning on your shoulder for comfort is not what friends should do. But when it’s every single time and they never have anything wonderful to say about their relationship, this tells you that settling is going on here.
4. You know it’s right when all you do is laugh and be giddy with the one you love no matter where you are, it feels like the world disappears for a moment. You miss them even if they are just gone from your side for a few. You smile at the thought of them. Your heart skips a beat when they call, text, or surprise you at the door. I have seen the opposite, when my friends have been dying to get away from them, are annoyed by their texts or calls, and some get aggravated at the thought of going home.
5. When the person looks happier when they are not with their mate, it’s obviously a settling relationship! Do you remember when you first meet someone and you are high on love, everyone could see it in your eyes as you spoke about that person? all you did was talk about them, and you walked on air! That is how it should be forever, not just the beginning. So many say it is not realistic, but what they don’t know is they are not being realistic by staying in a stagnant, non-exciting, unloving relationship.
6. When you are hanging out with your friend and their other half and they act like a totally different person, you know they are settling. You should obviously be yourself with your mate, and in front of your mate with other people, and it should be the same person!
7. When one person in the relationship continues to commit awful acts whether it’s cheating or physical or mental abuse and the other person stays and takes it. I know all relationships go through tough times but a continuous repetition is another issue which would be the victim’s issue just as much as the one committing the abuse!
8. One of the worst is when your friend constantly talks about and flirts with other people and they are in a relationship. I mean just imagine your other half doing this behind your back and you have no idea? and this is not just men, women are just as bad! I remember being out for a couples night, and my friend and I went to the ladies room at this busy club we were all at. My friend was checking out the guys along the way, and turned to me and said “i can’t believe you haven’t even looked at those fine guys walking by, you really are in love aren’t you?” and I said ” ofcourse honey, if you are in love, you will have no interest to look” I am not saying noticing someone is not normal, but really checking someone out or looking for it is another thing.
9. How about those couples that think having children or getting distracted with more work will make it all better in their relationship. It is very sad that people think this will make their relationship better. If you cannot tolerate one another alone, why mask your relationship by ignoring the issues and covering them up with other things. It’s like people thinking their health issues will go away with a pill when all they are doing is masking the symptoms, the real issue does not go away.
10. Make sure your other half is bringing the best out in you. I have seen people become different in a negative way and in a positive way by being with another person. These are people that have been close to me and they didn’t realize how affected they were until they got away from the situation. Some people are in denial and sadly just settle. But others realize this and move on and put their happiness first and does not let anyone else change that. The two of you should lift and build each other up!